So stepping stones are how we get from one point in our life to another…so before me I have reached that big stone in the river, that I just need to take the leap to. Its the one that doesn’t have many smaller stones up to it. The steps are big and wide and very far apart. But they are definite and once the step is taken, there is plenty of room to steady the foot. Its the first step that is the hardest.
Today, I reached that boulder in the middle of the river…so there is just the other side to get to…the hard part is done. Its the struggle, the back and forth is no longer. Its the end of a road taken, a final destination and the train to go away is leaving, and I am on it. And its not that I am on that train, its that endings are always so very bitter sweet and the feelings inside are exploding all around. Hardly containing themselves to what their meaning is.
Releasing myself from something that was never meant to be, but stretched to fit so to seem as it was. If its so easy to walk away, without regret of walking away, the moment of what is meant to be has passed. Relief is what is felt and that sounds so horrible that I am not sure that is a feeling that I want to have. Its not something I ever wanted in my life. We do not grow up and say to ourselves that we want to have a failed marriage and to get a divorce, and its not that…its more than that. Its that I am ok with it, and that scares me, its makes me feel as if I am not as good in the heart I once thought I was.
But I resolve to be ok. I have decided I will be ok… I always return to myself. And I will, I resolve to.
So, this hurdle is done…now the smaller stones on the side of this big boulder going the opposite direction will be more, and intense…but I am getting through…